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Stevie Burns "The human form is beautiful; more than one human form is more beautiful." -Stevie Burns
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Stevie Burns is an artist, writer, editor, and interior designer from Albuquerque, New Mexico (where Bugs Bunny made that wrong left turn), born in DeKalb, Illinois (which is where Cindy Crawford was born and that is the extent of Burns' knowledge about her birthplace). As an adult, Burns has lived and painted in Orlando, Anchorage, Port Orchard, Seattle, Oakland, and San Francisco. She has since crossed the ocean to live in a small German village near Frankfurt and has no intention of buckling-down, settling-down, or investing sensibly any time soon.
Burns is a self-taught artist, with Majors in English and Philosophy, and a Degree in Residential Design, though she has lied in the past, claiming to have a Masters Degree in English so that a coworker would shut the hell up. Science was always a hobby, and this lead to her working at the Environmental Research Systems Corporation (ERSC), daughter-company to Santa Fe Technologies (SFT). This stage of Stevie's life spawned a nickname that survived a year: she was known as Bond, Jamie Bond. Here she investigated the Los Alamos National Labs' production and storage of radioactive waste under the guise of a university student doing a research paper. The youthful looks that have since vanished played a key role in retrieving classified information. After having her phone tapped, car tailed, and living room videotaped, Stevie started receiving death threats at work. Her employer decided enough was enough and pulled the plug on Burns' activities. All of her files were destroyed, ERSC was disassembled, and Stevie was reassigned to working with SFT, where she would write a very boring technical manual for a new Port of Entry. This is why she knows so much about semi-trucks and weigh stations. Later Burns would plan events and cater to various VIPs and CEOs from Minnesota, New York, China, and Japan. That was even more boring and it was time for a drastic change.
Moving to Seattle, Stevie worked in the world of e-commerce at Amazon.com, back when they just sold books. She was a mentor to two teams of trainees and later was part of a trouble-shooting team that tested the computer program that would replace Unix. During this time, Stevie published a handful of poetry, wrote some really bad fiction that will never be published (whew!), and launched an environmental website www.bard.org, the rights of which were sold several years ago.
Burns always loved painting, and while she had shown her artwork in shared spaces before, it was in Seattle that she had three solo exhibits. Burns has sold and auctioned her artwork in fundraisers for various charitable causes, primarily online.
Burns' work has been published as the cover artwork for The Mark Postlewaite and Friends album Ready Set Jimmy. She is one of the few people on the planet that have listened to this album.
In Seattle, Burns returned to school and became a licensed designer of interiors. After working independently, this eventually and crookedly lead to her employment with Ann Sacks in San Francisco. Here she compiled a working manual for administrators and management and was invited to trouble-shoot a new computer program that would handle all purchases and shipments.
It seems computer technology will forever be part of Burns' creative as well as professional life. Not that Burns wanted it that way, but life's choices are sometimes to some degree at least dictated by the time period in which we live. Burns is plainly addicted to her laptop but refuses to give it a name. That's final!
Her car, an ugly white Micra with rust spots that have been sloppily sprayed over with blue, has been dubbed 'the penis mobile' though not by her. It stuck anyway. The ugly car has seen a good portion of Europe, and has seen fewer car washes than it should have considering that most of those roadtrips involved Stevie and her even smellier husband (sexy as he is) sleeping in the car.
In 2002, Burns moved to Germany with her scruffy man, who she met in Disneyworld over a decade ago, and their three cats: Tazi, Indi, and Oreo. No kids, thanks. It's alright, everyone asks.
This year (2024), Burns has published erotica fiction with Adult Story Corner, Girlphoria and Peacock Blue. July 2024 Stevie won Second Place in an erotica short story contest hosted by Free Sex Story.
Stevie Burns is the editor for VoracityBeat.com. Her latest 'Dear Mrs. Saucebox' editorial rants can be found on the fifteenth of every month right here. She does not have a cell phone and is currently writing a fantasy novel. It's really cool! She'll be pitching it to publishers in September.